Love You the Best!

On Friday, February 11th, 2011 my grandmother, Bonnie Sue Vance Stallard, aka Nana, left this life for a much better one.

I hesitated to write this post but wanted to take some time to celebrate this beautiful woman!

Ever since I can remember, my Nana has been a huge part of my life. When I was little & learning to talk, I named her Nana, but pronounced it 'Nonny'. I'm not sure why, to this day, why I always spelled it Nana, but I did & she let me. For most of my life my mother, sister & I lived with my grandparents. I think at first it was a temporary fix, so my mom could get back on her feet after she & my father divorced, & we moved out once, but came back. Every time we talked about moving I could never wrap my mind around it... Living somewhere without my grandparents in the same house. Although this set-up tested everyone's patience at times, I think we all really loved it. I had the chance while I was growing up to be very close to my grandparents while many of my friends only saw their grandparents once or twice a year. We are, & have always been, a very close, tight-knit family & I am so grateful for that.

My Nana taught me how to love people no matter what, how to pray, & to over-use 'I Love You'. She always told me, as far back as I can remember, that our family will always stick together "through thick & thin." & we really have. My Nana was truly the type of person who fit in anywhere... She could talk to a bum on the street & make him feel at ease. But she could also meet a great like Muhammad Ali (which she did, along with many others,) & fit right in. She was also, truly, the classiest woman I've ever known (besides my momma!) Everyone who met her was immediately her friend, & like family to her. She cherished her family & friends above all else & she always told them what they meant to her. I never had any doubt in my mind that my Nana loved me with all her heart because she told me every day.

When I was little & got in trouble my mom would put me in time-out. It was in a sad little corner in a sad little wooden chair that was just my size. Nana haaated when I got in trouble because she always felt so sad for me! So every time she was there & I was put in time-out she would come sit in time-out with me. She was a source of Strength for our family; pushing us when we needed pushing, cheering us on when we needed cheering, celebrating our triumphs, & feeling our pain as if whatever caused us pain had happened to her too.

This past Thanksgiving I visited my grandparents in Eastern KY & after we were done eating I was sitting outside with my aunt & uncle, sister, & Nana. My Nana was having a pretty good day, as far as her Alzheimer's was concerned, & in a moment of clarity my uncle asked my Nana something like, 'what is life about?' She said: to be Kind to others, be True to yourself, & live Simply. I will carry these words with me for the rest of my life, because they are invaluable & exactly the way my Nana lived her life. I am making a promise to her that I will always try to live my life this way because it truly creates a beautiful life.

I will miss my Nana forever, as will our entire family & all those who knew her, but just like when I was little, I know she is right there with me. Whether I'm in time-out or not, she will always be by my side. Celebrating my wins, mourning my losses, & guiding me through the next phases of my life & I couldn't ask for a better Guardian Angel... I will keep her in my Heart, always.

Blessed.

Check me out! New header, hey heyyy!! I'm pretty pumped about it personally!

So I'm back from the boonies aka Eastern KY! I feel lucky I even made it back... I was almost snowed in! Honestly, if I didn't have to work a double the day after Christmas I probably would have been fine to stay snowed in. It might have been kind of nice! But only kind of, let's not get too crazy.

I'm off today & as you can see, (new header + new post) I'm being productive! Current state: On the couch, 80's jams playing, cup of coffee close by, & a completed To Do List for the errands I plan to run today! I love this day!!

Let's recap Christmas though... Shall we? Strap yourself in, because it was a hot mess.

So my mom, sister, & I arrived in Seco (the BFE town my grandparents live in,) the day before Christmas eve. As I mentioned in my last post, my grandma had started refusing to take her medication, & as we learned when we got there, is incredibly frail. It's like taking care of a child... She can literally do nothing on her own. Not to mention she is very much out of it. Nothing she says makes much sense & it's so difficult to talk to her. My Poppy, needless to say, is exhausted & exasperated. But God love him, he's powering through it, just like he has in every other aspect of his life. I feel so blessed to have someone like him in my life. He is such an inspiration to me because of his perseverance in tough times (& all times) & I really hope I can be just half the person he is. I hope the person I marry sticks by me & cares for me the way he has my Nana. He has truly been with her in sickness & in health, & I firmly believe that only death will part them. How amazing is that? You can see the pain in his eyes when my grandma is confused about who he is & you can also see the incredible love he has for her through that pain. My heart breaks for him every day, & that's what made this Christmas so difficult. The situation they are both in is just tough, to say the least.

Now on to the day of Christmas Eve. My grandpa was having lunch (leftover porkchop) & while he was eating, my grandma yelled for help. It startled him so much that he gasped & there went a piece of porkchop back into his throat. Ultimately y'all, it gets freaking stuck & he can't get any liquids or food past it. We wait 24 hours & take him to the hospital on Christmas day. & believe me, getting him to the hospital was a test on everyone's patience & nerves. He fought us about it for a long, & I mean L-O-N-G, time. But whatever, he went. But I mean really? Merry Cluster Christmas. He's fine now, they got it out after a one night stay, but good grief... What else? Honestly, what else can happen? The entire process was a complete mess & stress for everyone involved. But I can't help but laugh at this point... This kind of shiz happens to only our family. Really.

I made it back, safe & sound, late Christmas day & tried to enjoy some time with Boski. We exchanged gifts & just chillaxed! I was glad to be home, but ever since I came back, I've had a pretty heavy heart. I feel guilty sometimes leaving my grandparents because I feel like I should do something to make their situation easier... But what can I do? The resistance to change alone is like going head on into a brick wall at 100 miles an hour. I just pray every day that things will get better & I have to trust that everything happens for a reason. This Christmas, as tough as it was, helped me realize the many blessings I have in my life. I have an amazing family & support system. No matter what I do my family is behind me & no matter what happens, we all stick together. Through thick & thin, as my Nana used to tell me when I was little! I missed seeing Boski's family this year & that was another blessing I couldn't help but recognize... I basically have a second family. Not only do I have one great family, I have two! Two!! Throughout the pain this situation with my grandparents has caused, I am still so lucky. & I can't thank whoever is out there looking after me enough, because things could be so much worse, & I'm incredibly blessed that they aren't!

So that's my update... Nothing incredibly exciting... For us anyway. We're all used to it! :) I am staying positive & trusting that everything is alright & as it should be. Now to continue enjoying my day off!! Did I mention I'm off tomorrow too? Yaaaa!!

X0<3!!