A little of this, a little of that!

Don't even say it... I already know I'm a horrible blogger. Believe it or not, I have bloggy-neglect-guilt popping up every day! I'll be working or something & just randomly, out of nowhere, I think of my blog & how I need to post! Is that sad? Does that mean I need to get a life?

Anyway, I've been a mixture of busy & in somewhat of a funk. Which is weird for me during spring. It's kind of odd, because usually spring is when I'm at my best! The weather puts a spring in my step & I feel the best during the spring... The sun is finally out & I feel refreshed after a long & dreary winter. Maybe it's the mass amounts of rain? Who knows!

Anyway, I'm going to do what I do best & make a list of things on my mind. This is probably going to be incredibly random, but oh well, at least I'm posting! So here we go...

1. I've been talking to my dad on a semi-regular basis. Please see this post for background info... {The following thoughts are assuming you visited that link above & are now caught up!} It's kind of strange & I don't really know how I feel about it. Last summer my step mother called me out of the blue & suggested we 'open the doors' to begin a better relationship. Excuse my french, but WTF? After all this time, why now? & more importantly, how do I feel about a possible 'relationship'? I hung up on her (twice) & she followed up with a letter. I can't help but feel happy in the fact that she reached out to me, because our relationship was never great, but I can't help but feel sad because I wish it was my father who had called me, persisted, & sent that letter. Talking to him has been tough, but who am I to dismiss it? Normally when I hear from him it knocks me down for a few days.. It just takes a toll on me. But I'm an adult & don't want to live my life carrying this (whatever 'this' is) around all the time. Open mind, guarded heart I guess.

2. I'm going back to school this coming fall!!!!!! I completed my FAFSA form & my UK transfer application! I feel so good about it... I don't think I'll ever be able to express how much I've hated being out of school for the past year. I feel like I've wasted time, made zero progress, & have, in general, been a complete slacker. I don't feel like I'm working towards my future, my dreams, or anything for that matter. I think that's why this spring has been tough for me... I've always been such a worker. In every sense of the word. I don't feel like I've lived up to my true potential lately... & I hate feeling that way. I'm sure I've mentioned before that subbing has been so wonderful for me, in so many ways, but it also increases that drive to finish school & become a 'real' teacher. I'm really not trying to complain, the time off from school has been a blessing in disguise. It truly has. I've found firm footing in a way. My whole life might be up in the air, I might question every single thing I'm doing, I might feel lost at times, sad, angry, whatever. But I feel so happy knowing that I made the right choice as far as teaching goes. I know it's right for me. I find so much strength in that knowledge. At times I feel like I have no clue what I'm doing, whether I'm up, down, left, right, backwards, whatever... But I feel strength knowing I'm meant to teach. It brings me so much happiness, knowing just that one thing for sure!

3. I had been planning a post a couple weeks ago, believe it or not, & had taken some pictures that I had planned for said post! So here they are!

The family & I ventured to Berea to visit my sister & eat, recently! My sister took us to this adorable little place called the Black Feather. It was such a cool little place! I love places like that... Lots of character, different, & they always have great food! I was loving it so much I took some pictures!



Suuuuch yummy chicken salad. I am incredibly picky about chicken salad & unfortunately for everyone who makes chicken salad, I compare all the ones I try to my grandma's! It's a tough act to follow, trust me! But this was delish! Instead of any mayo it had lemon juice & dill, so very healthy!



Ham & swiss croissant with Guinness mustard... So basically a glorified piggy in a blanket! But it was so yummy!

The Black Feather was super cool, it was set up in a house that they turned into a restaurant! Each room was decorated in a hip, cool way that was different from the one before it. Of course I took pictures of some of my favorites!



It was just an eclectic, fun little cafe!

& finally, check out this sweet little Easter girl!



How sweet?! Love that little girl!

So that's all I have for y'all today... I'm not even going to promise about being better bloggy-wise because I think I've already made that promise a time or two! I'm trying to think of something to do for a particular day of the week... Ya know, Wordless Wednesday, Thoughtful Thursday, something like that! Any of you girlies have some ideas?!

XOXO

Noteworthy Items... Just a Few!

I know, I know... It's been a while since I've posted. & I was getting so much better there for a little while! It's not really that I've been all that busy, but for some reason I haven't really felt that I had much news to share! But I guess I have a feeew noteworthy items!

First of all, the dress & cute little floral top in my last post?
{Exhibit A & B}
Yea, complete crap. They don't fit right! & the top just looks cheap. You girls know what I mean. Thus, the downfall of shopping online. I bought a size bigger in the dress, than I normally would have, because I looked at the sizing chart on the website & it was still too small {& a tad shorter than I anticipated!} I guess I could have sucked & tucked more, but I knew a full day of Keeneland could have possibly been ruined due to discomfort. This girl gets a little cranky after a long day of sucking & tucking. Combine that with a cocktail or two {ok, ok, maybe three or four...... ALRiGHT! Five or six!} & you might want to take cover. After a day like that, I am liable to finish out my day of Keeneland fun by ending up at the bars in yoga pants & a tee. Not kidding. & can I just say I absolutely refuse to go up a size. Call me delusional, call me annoying, call me whatever you like, but I simply refuse.
This is me going up a size:

Seriously... Y'all don't wanna go there.

I've had a couple interviews this week for positions as an administrative assistant! I'm just looking for something a little more stable & predictable. Subbing is getting much less sporadic, but still... Not as often as I need or would like! & just something easy & part time to get me through school. & something that allows me to really focus & spend time on my schoolwork. My schoolwork is where my head needs to be! Not to mention, summer is coming up & subbing will be a complete no-go! Don't get me wrong, a life of luxury by the pool is fine, but unfortunately the sugar daddy I've always searched & longed for is non-existent!

But really... Sitting out last semester & now this semester has seriously taken a toll on me. I hate not being in school... I feel so unproductive. I feel like my progress in life is on constant pause. Since I started school, {with the exception of one or two semesters,} I put myself there. Paid my own tuition, books, parking passes, everything. & I just can't afford it. I was at BCTC (formerly LCC) & I got my Associates Degree there, but now I'm at a point in my academic career that I need to transfer to a University. I've literally taken all the classes BCTC offers for my major & am in the 'major-specific' phase. But, as I said before, I just can't afford it! I plan to start at UK in the fall, but how I'm going to pay for it is a complete mystery to me. Hellooooo student loans! {I currently have one small one, & I was hoping to keep it that way, but honestly, I'll do just about anything to get back to school! Again, sugar daddy is non-existent!}

Let me just say though--- Putting myself through school has been the most gratifying & the greatest growing experience I could have ever asked for. It's called being an adult. When you 'grow up' you don't have your parents there as a safety net at all times & you have to learn to pay your bills & take care of business on your own. I credit my mother for instilling this strength in me... & I know if she could, she would foot the bill all day long. I actually think she hates that she can't. But she's given me a much greater gift; the strength, confidence, intelligence, & perseverance to get where I want to be & to do it on my own two feet. That, to me, is priceless.
Just an interesting tidbit though, since we're here! My first semester in college was paid for partially by my father. {For more background on him check out this little diddy I wrote a while ago.} I have to laugh, simply because the check he gave me was so appreciated, but was also followed swiftly by a nice lil' 1099. I'm serious.

When I worked as an administrative assistant in the Cheddar's corporate office, I really put a lot of time into it & honestly, put it before school for a long time. I really thought that's where I wanted to spend the rest of my life... Looking back, how delusional was I. But, in my defense, for a while I was truly gratified by my job. & lemme tell ya, I am so the type of person to thrive on that. It empowers me & makes me feel confident & secure in myself. {I know. Weird.} I was able to help & contribute to a common goal... In whatever small way I could. &, for a long time, I felt like I truly made a difference & was appreciated. I grew so much while I was there... I look back on the 4 {really} short years ago that I started there & compare it to where I am now. I truly don't think I could have gotten here without my time in that office. But of course eventually, I started hating it. The 'small-company-growing-by-leaps-&-bounds' thing was exciting, but also difficult to deal with. We'll play nice & go with the term 'growing pains' to describe the last year or so of my employment there. It was such an exciting time for the company but it was also incredibly difficult to walk into every day. & I'll be totally honest, I hated the fact that I was 22, already in a full-time situation, {keep in mind, still trying to do well in a full-time school situation as well,} & not acting my age. All my friends had part-time, easy-breezy jobs, & I was so tied down, stressed, & overwhelmed by mine. It sounds silly, but Thirsty Thursday was a complete pipe dream for me. All I wanted was to have fun & yet, I was completely miserable. Don't get me wrong, I'm a serious person, but I had been entirely too serious since I was 18... I was ready to get out & be a typical college kid. Not a stuffy old lady!
& looking back, I honestly believe it's because I'm just not meant for that kind of work. If that makes sense. I throw myself into things that I believe in wholeheartedly, & in that office, I was giving up what I needed to experience. Basically, I would have stood on my head for three days straight for that company, but was constantly being told I wasn't doing it right, it wasn't enough, etc. & I eventually made the {very tough} decision to leave. It took a lot of bravery, honesty, & hemming-&-hawing, but it has honestly been the best thing for me. Not only am I in a much better place personally, but I'm in a much better place professionally. Substitute teaching is for me. I love it. LOVE it!!
{& can I just say how disappointed I am in the women I worked alongside? I kid you not, the cattiest women I've ever encountered. & none of them were remotely close to my age. How sad. Don't get me wrong, at times they were like mothers to me, but as far as my professional experience with them? I have no words for it. I really don't. I can't stand women tearing each other down in the workplace... I digress, that's a whoooole other post!}

Anywho, as time went along, I realized my initial major when I started college; teaching, was actually what I am meant to do. Unfortunately it took me about three majors to come back around to that realization! Can we say, waste of time?! I go back & forth from time to time on what grade I'd like to teach, & whether or not I have the strength to be a Learning & Behavior Disorder{LBD}/Special Ed. teacher, but I know & truly believe, whatever grade & emphasis I choose, that's what I'm meant to do. I can't wait to have my own classroom, my own students, & the chance to make a difference in my kids lives. I guess that's why it's so hard for me not being in school right now... I am so excited to just get in there & do it already! I feel like I've wasted so much time, bouncing from major to major, & now, taking time off. I want it so badly!

I actually subbed at Landsdowne Elementary today in an LBD class. Oh my word... Those kids are complete doll-babies. I am incredibly intrigued by Autism... It sounds sick but it fascinates me. Every experience I've ever had with an Autistic child has done nothing but make me love the child. I don't know what it is, but they are the sweetest, most loving children I've ever met! Autism is unique in the way that each child is incredibly different. Each child has their own little 'quirks', if you will. For example, one of the students today hated loud noises. Another loved to be loud. Hence, making the classroom an extremely difficult place for my baby Adrian. Poor little thing... God love him, it's like he lives on edge at all times. Guarding himself from loud noises that might occur at any time. The cafeteria, & a couple kids in particular, got too loud for him today & it was so heartbreaking to watch him struggle through it. But he's so amazing at the same time... He knows, quite possibly, everything there is to know about tornadoes & hurricanes. If we lived in Kansas or Florida he could steal Bill Meck's job! There were several autistic children in the class & the rest were a mixture of general learning & serious behavior issues. I guess I'm young & enthusiastic, & maybe a little naive, but I loved being there. I want so badly to help those kids, to make a difference in their lives, to take an interest in them & let them know I care... Ugh! It just pulls on my heartstrings because I know some of those kids don't have that at home... You can just tell. The only thing that makes me question being an LBD teacher is what I've heard from other teachers. Every time I sub for an LBD teacher, there are always collaborative teachers & I try to pick their brains a little. Subbing is such a small part of what an actual teacher does, & I need to know the ins & outs before I make a decision. It sounds to me like the paperwork is the worst part. Each day is a new adventure & a new challenge... Which sometimes can leave you exhausted & depleted, but then to have to do the pounds & pounds of paperwork on top of it? I have seen binders filled to capacity with paperwork for each student & was amazed these teachers had time to actually teach in the meantime. It's seriously obscene & I could go on for days, but it's a serious drawback for me. I feel like I might get burnt-out on administrative BS & just throw my hands up & move on to something else. Which is so incredibly common. But on the other hand, I was there only one day & one sweet muffin didn't want to leave me at the end of the day. Come on! How can you not want that every day?! That feeling I get each time I get a sub call tells me... "You're meant for this. This is your thing!" & to be honest, that's what makes me want to get through school so much. I have so much love for this profession & have seriously found what's meant for me. I've found my 'thing', my calling, my niche, & I can't wait to stop waiting tables & looking for stupid administrative jobs to pass the time. I'm ready for the real thing!!

Alright, alright.... I'm done talking about teaching, kids, & my love for both! I've bored you enough already!!

In other news:
My sister & I are fortunate enough to have found out that Kathy Griffin is performing @ the Singletary Center THiS Sunday night!!

Ya know... That crazy, loud-mouthed ginger that is completely inappropriate?! Oh I can't wait!!!!! I've always watched her specials on TV {& her show on my fave channel, Bravo} & have always wanted more! She's completely hiiiigh-larious to me. Luckily my sister feels exactly the same way, so we're going together on Sunday!! It'll be GREAT!!! I get more & more excited every time I think about it! Can you believe it though? I seriously can't believe she decided to plop down & do a show right here in Lex! I honestly never thought the day would come! I had always diiiied to go to a show of hers, but never had the budget for the travel that would of course be involved. Because let's be honest, who in their right mind would come to Lexington, KY? Apparently my girl KG!!!!!!!
Bucket List Item #37- Check!!!

Y'all have no idea how excited I am. I'll be totally honest... If I didn't get tickets, I was showin' up anyway. Not sure exactly what my plan was, but I completely decided & owned the fact that I was going to be the creepy stalker if for some reason I couldn't get tickets!
{Repeat process if Justin Timberlake comes to town}
EeeeeEEeeE for getting the tickets legally & being able to show up in a legitimate manner!!!!!

That's all I've got... Sorry if I rambled! XOX Loves... Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!