& the award for Crazy-Girl goes to....

I feel like I've been bloggy M.i.A! So I'm going to jump right in & share a few current events!

This is a quick pic I took earlier today.... I was elated!


Eeee! Spring is really coming!!

Also......


It has become clear that I am unhealthily obsessed with mascara. I use all of these {interchangeably of course, not all at once} & I love all of them!!
{Please disregard messy & grossly unorganized vanity in background... It's on my ToDo List.}

& now I must make a real confession. If you plan on judging me, you might want to stop reading now because this is just going to make you sick. I joined a website this week & I am incredibly ashamed.

www.ProjectWedding.com

I know. *Hangs head in embarrassment.*

Why am I so embarrassed/ashamed/etc? Because, as some of you know, I'm not even engaged. & if I am being completely honest with myself, probably not very close to becoming so. I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 & 1/2 years now, we live together, & really, I couldn't be happier with our life together. But getting married/engaged just isn't on our radar yet. We both still have school that needs finishing & grown up jobs to acquire. Our lives just aren't in the place we want them to be in order to take that 'next step'. I have no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It gives me butterflies, makes my heart flutter, & I get a little excitably flushed when I think about marrying him & spending the rest of my life with him. I was never the type of little girl, or young woman, to fantasize about my wedding. I always knew I wanted to get married, but I didn't really ever give it much thought... I just figured it would eventually happen. But when I met & started getting serious with Bo {the boo} I was actually able to picture a wedding. It sounds so sappy, but he made the idea of marriage in my life real & not just an afterthought.

I love spring & summer with all my heart & with the warm weather, poolside lounging, & strappy sandals also comes something else.... Wedding season. I love weddings. LOVE them. I'm the crazy loon in the back that gets teary eyed & choked up when the happy couple says 'I Do'. Seriously. & I promise they're not bitter, wish-it-were-me tears! I just get emotional at weddings. I'm obviously a huge nerd. {Remember that part earlier about 'stop reading now'? Dontcha' wish you had?!}

I feel like lately I've seen TONS of engagement notifications on good ol' FaceBook. {Reason #495 to delete my own.} & a lot of them are my friends from high school... Last summer & the summer before, the weddings I attended were for friends of the boo, my own friends' older brothers or sisters... Now it's my friends! I saw one in particular & re-started my quarter-life crisis. Remember in high school, they would ask you where you saw yourself in 5 years? I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be. In a way that's ok with me because life happens at the pace it does for a reason. But seeing all these engagement notifications & getting these invites to weddings... I just can't help but think about my own life & where I really & truly believed I would be by now.

Anyway... Because I'm a glutton for punishment I was looking at rings, dresses, flowers, cakes, hair, etc. & came across Project Wedding! As it turns out, it's an awesome website if you're planning a real-life, actually-going-to-happen wedding! You can shop for your dress, your bridesmaids dresses, even your flower girl's dresses! All by style & price. Pretty convenient! It also lets you create checklists to stay on track! You can shop for invites, favors, & it even gives you ideas for songs if you're having trouble choosing your own! You can see pictures other brides have uploaded from their special day to get ideas & they maintain a blog packed full of helpful tips, creative ideas, & the latest & greatest wedding-related fluff!

My favorite part of the website though, is this nifty & fun little tool that let's you create an 'inspiration board'. {It reminds me of the 'mood board' the designers on The Fashion Show had to make to establish a theme for their collection.} It's a great way to just put pictures of ideas you have & see how everything looks together. It's my biggest fear that I'll have so many ideas for my big day that I'll end up with a hodge-podge looking wedding. This way you can see if it's cohesive & just put all your ideas in one place!

Do you even have to ask? Of course I made one of my own.


& let me just go ahead & say... I am not the type of person that needs a big, flashy, sassy, gorgeous, heart-stopping, event of the century, wedding. I love Bo so much, I would be just as happy to go down to City Hall & get married that way. Or fly out to Vegas & elope in one of those tacky little casino chapels. Our families would be ticked & kill us both, but I would be happy to do it that way as well.

I know my day will come, & it will come when the time is right for me & my life. I could sit around all day & be jealous of others, but that would just make me a bitter old biddy. So in the meantime, I'm going to focus on being happy for the people who's 'right time' is now!

XOXO

P.S. When you join the website, it asks you to 'save the date' of your wedding & it has a running countdown at the bottom of the page at all times. I have to laugh because currently it says 'Welcome Austin, 803 days until your wedding!' haha!
What? You all thought I would pick a date that was remotely soon? Joining the website is delusional enough... I'm not going to kid myself any further!

New Year, New me!

Happy 2011!!

So every year I pretty much avoid resolutions... My follow-through is pretty lacking. But this year is a different year & my life is a lot different then it used to be. Lately I feel like I'm not really myself... Almost like I don't know who I am anymore. So much is changing, I am in such an odd place. A place I never thought I would be in a million years. Bo & I are happy, but like any couple that's been together for a significant amount of time, we struggle sometimes. We've been together for 4 years, almost 4 & 1/2, & sometimes I wonder if moving in together when we did was the right thing. I miss my independence... I miss (some things) about living apart. I was completely self sufficient. I needed no one & did everything on my own. I am in no way sick of Bo, nor do I feel like we never have enough time to ourselves, or any of the common complaints of couples living together. I just miss having a place of my own. Really, all I have is my room & even that is in "Bo's" house. Maybe I'm crazy but I've never lived alone, & parts of me want that so much. But what's the point? Like Bo said; if we can't live together now, then we shouldn't even get married. But at the same time, what's the harm in backing off a little? Not because I feel like our relationship needs to take a step back, but that I do. Like I said, I've never lived alone... I lived at home, lived in a two-bedroom apartment with a roommate (what a learning experience,) & then moved in with Bo. Sometimes I wonder if that was smart. But I will say one thing... I thought long & hard about moving in with him. It was a huge decision, as it should have been, & because I plan to marry him & spend the rest of my life with him, & because I can say that with confidence & assurance (& happiness!) I moved in & really, had & have, no plans of moving out. But there is that part of me that wonders what another year could have hurt. He's in no rush, I'm in no rush, really. What was another year? Maybe two?

But the thing is, I don't particularly care about living alone... I don't feel crowded, I don't feel unhappy here, I really couldn't ask for a better situation than living with my best friend in the world, the person whom I love & who loves me more than I deserve, & really, the best roommate I could dream up. I just feel like the fact that this is not my own roof that I'm keeping over my own head, completely on my own, has caused me to lose part of myself. I have lost pride in myself, confidence in myself, the self-respect I always had & never failed to remind myself of when I felt down & out. I don't think I was cocky, but I was sure of myself. Sure of my abilities & my life in general. Now I'm kind of confused.

I've noticed since I left the office ('the' office... Whole other story that we just don't have time for,) I have lost structure in my life. I am a lot happier, don't get me wrong... I haaaated that job with a passion, but so much has changed since I left there. It's like that was the one constant, the one thing that would never change & now it has & everything has just up & changed with it. Maybe the whole 'living on my own' thing is selfish. But I can't help what I feel, I guess.

But like the title of this post says; New Year, New Me! I plan to be completely honest with myself this year. That is my one resolution. No matter how much it scares me, I will be honest with myself about absolutely everything. I feel like I need to spend more time getting to know myself & spend more time, really, deciding who I am & the person I want to be. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm in an odd place in my life... I'm wondering more & more who I am, who I'm becoming, & if I'm making the right choices. All the time I'm afraid I'm making mistakes, second guessing myself left & right. I feel like if I'm honest with myself, always, I won't feel this way about absolutely everything anymore. Definitely a good goal for me to start the year out with, I think!

I was off all day today (what a tuh-reat!) & I spent some time relaxing, shopping, & now I plan to do a little cleaning. I get really motivated at night, when most are already in bed. I'm not sure why, but I'm using it to my advantage!

XOXO