Blessed.

Check me out! New header, hey heyyy!! I'm pretty pumped about it personally!

So I'm back from the boonies aka Eastern KY! I feel lucky I even made it back... I was almost snowed in! Honestly, if I didn't have to work a double the day after Christmas I probably would have been fine to stay snowed in. It might have been kind of nice! But only kind of, let's not get too crazy.

I'm off today & as you can see, (new header + new post) I'm being productive! Current state: On the couch, 80's jams playing, cup of coffee close by, & a completed To Do List for the errands I plan to run today! I love this day!!

Let's recap Christmas though... Shall we? Strap yourself in, because it was a hot mess.

So my mom, sister, & I arrived in Seco (the BFE town my grandparents live in,) the day before Christmas eve. As I mentioned in my last post, my grandma had started refusing to take her medication, & as we learned when we got there, is incredibly frail. It's like taking care of a child... She can literally do nothing on her own. Not to mention she is very much out of it. Nothing she says makes much sense & it's so difficult to talk to her. My Poppy, needless to say, is exhausted & exasperated. But God love him, he's powering through it, just like he has in every other aspect of his life. I feel so blessed to have someone like him in my life. He is such an inspiration to me because of his perseverance in tough times (& all times) & I really hope I can be just half the person he is. I hope the person I marry sticks by me & cares for me the way he has my Nana. He has truly been with her in sickness & in health, & I firmly believe that only death will part them. How amazing is that? You can see the pain in his eyes when my grandma is confused about who he is & you can also see the incredible love he has for her through that pain. My heart breaks for him every day, & that's what made this Christmas so difficult. The situation they are both in is just tough, to say the least.

Now on to the day of Christmas Eve. My grandpa was having lunch (leftover porkchop) & while he was eating, my grandma yelled for help. It startled him so much that he gasped & there went a piece of porkchop back into his throat. Ultimately y'all, it gets freaking stuck & he can't get any liquids or food past it. We wait 24 hours & take him to the hospital on Christmas day. & believe me, getting him to the hospital was a test on everyone's patience & nerves. He fought us about it for a long, & I mean L-O-N-G, time. But whatever, he went. But I mean really? Merry Cluster Christmas. He's fine now, they got it out after a one night stay, but good grief... What else? Honestly, what else can happen? The entire process was a complete mess & stress for everyone involved. But I can't help but laugh at this point... This kind of shiz happens to only our family. Really.

I made it back, safe & sound, late Christmas day & tried to enjoy some time with Boski. We exchanged gifts & just chillaxed! I was glad to be home, but ever since I came back, I've had a pretty heavy heart. I feel guilty sometimes leaving my grandparents because I feel like I should do something to make their situation easier... But what can I do? The resistance to change alone is like going head on into a brick wall at 100 miles an hour. I just pray every day that things will get better & I have to trust that everything happens for a reason. This Christmas, as tough as it was, helped me realize the many blessings I have in my life. I have an amazing family & support system. No matter what I do my family is behind me & no matter what happens, we all stick together. Through thick & thin, as my Nana used to tell me when I was little! I missed seeing Boski's family this year & that was another blessing I couldn't help but recognize... I basically have a second family. Not only do I have one great family, I have two! Two!! Throughout the pain this situation with my grandparents has caused, I am still so lucky. & I can't thank whoever is out there looking after me enough, because things could be so much worse, & I'm incredibly blessed that they aren't!

So that's my update... Nothing incredibly exciting... For us anyway. We're all used to it! :) I am staying positive & trusting that everything is alright & as it should be. Now to continue enjoying my day off!! Did I mention I'm off tomorrow too? Yaaaa!!

X0<3!!

3 Days! And...

Yes! Just 3 short days! I cannot believe how time has flown by! As I get older I feel like each year gets even shorter... & this was definitely one of those years.

I'll probably be MIA for a little while (psh, like I'm always in touch as it is,) as I'm leaving early tomorrow for Eastern KY to be with family for the holiday! If anything especially exciting happens, I will definitely follow up with a post. I cannot wait to see my grandparents... It was so hard to leave them after TGiving! They treat me like I have absolutely hung the freaking moon. Like I'm their princess & they spoil me with compliments & love... So much love! What girl wouldn't love to be around that?! They mean the world to me & each additional Christmas with them, at this point, is incredibly precious to me. This will most likely be my Nana's last Christmas with us. She has Alzheimer's & it's getting much worse very quickly. My Poppy is her sole caretaker & is unable to get her to eat or take any of her medication. She visited the doctor a couple days ago & has pneumonia in her left lung & of course, refuses to take her antibiotics. They've done IV antibiotics, thankfully, but she won't take any pills. The sudden rebellion is disturbing to me, & is somewhat unexplainable. She's become increasingly combative ever since the disease started to get worse, especially with my Poppy. He seems to be the person she directs all her anger towards, I guess because he's always with her. I can't wait to get there & just give him love. I love him with all my heart & know he's hurting so much... More than I can comprehend. I hate that & just want to hug him forever.

It sounds odd, but for the most part, I feel like I've started to let my Nana go already. She hasn't been herself in so long, I almost feel like she's already gone. Of course there are rare moments where she seems closer to being the Nana I know & love, but for the most part, she's just not herself at all. I am sad, incredibly sad, about the way things are at the present moment but I've really started preparing myself for what's to come. I'm scared of what I'll feel when she actually does leave us. But these are things that happen to everyone eventually. I'm starting to get very used to changes... Big changes. I know I'm strong & I have an amazing support system behind me, so I know I'll get through it. & it's comforting to know that she will go to a better place & get to be with all the loved ones she's lost throughout her life. & she'll always be in my heart. Always.

Ok then! Here's something that definitely makes me smile!!

Looooove that Santa baby!!

Well, that's it for me... I have a few more gifts to finish up, a kitchen to finish cleaning, laundry that never ends, & packing to get to! X's&O's <3>

8 Days!!

10 Days!

I L-0-V-E Christmas!

Before I begin... I don't know what's up with the layout of my blog. I'm trying to fix it but I have no real knowledge of this stuff & can't fix my problems with what little knowledge I have to work with. None of my pictures are showing up where I've designated them, so I've just removed them altogether, (hopefully just for the time being :/) my 'Blog Archive' is down at the bottom, instead of to the right where it is supposed to be & it's the same with my 'About Me'! Not to mention my presh background is being a fair weather one; coming & going as it pleases. Humph!!

Anyway, it's officially 10 short days until Christmas!!!!!!! Have I mentioned I love love LOVE Christmas?! It's my favorite holiday! Although I do love the Fall Holiday Time in general (Halloween, TGiving, Christmas, New Year's) I think Christmas is my number 1 favorite! Ever since I moved into my own place & was able to decorate the way I wanted to decorate, my love has increased even more. This way I can make my surroundings as Christmas-y & ridiculous as I please! I think I use the decorations to express my love for the holiday & the decorations simultaneously increase my love for the holiday... It's a very special relationship ;)

This is what we're workin' with this year as far as trees & decor!

Gettin` ready to decorate. I wait patiently while Boski gets all the branches just 'so' :)

While he does the patience-required part, in addition to the above, I also do this!
*** (Please note tiara + feathers aka my tree-topper this year) ***


Worth the wait! I do the majority of the decorating & then Boski gets to go in & fix what bothers him!

A few of my lil' favie ornaments <3



Here are a few of my favorite household Christmas decor items as well!



** The little gold decorative balls in the apothecary jar on the right were meant just to be for the Holiday season, but I'm leavin' 'em year-round! I love them & they go perfectly with our normal decor! How great is it that it worked out that way?!? **

& to wrap it up, this was the day I had today:

Relaxing + productivity! I'm so proud of myself!! :)

XxO!!

Christmas aka Miss-mas?

Alright, so this might be a lame post but I'm tackling one of the topics on my list. My deadbeat & absent father. Simply because, as of late, he hasn't been so absent. Which is making me realize I would much rather him be absent. Alright peeps, grab a blanket & your favorite beverage & settle in. My choice for the evening? A fat glass of Riesling, & probably several ciggy breaks.

Let me start my saying that my father & I have never truly had a great relationship. My parents divorced when I was 7 (I am now 22,) & our relationship has been pretty strained ever since. My father has always abused prescription drugs & alcohol. He had periods of sobriety, which lasted for most of my parents' marriage, & then periods where he was... Well, not so sober. Let me give you an example; one night my mother met him at his house (after the divorce, obviously, & per his request,) & when she showed up he was wasssted, they argued, & he pushed her through a door. She was bruised & battered from head to toe, thanks to my father. Once when I was about 5 or 6, I accidentally closed my sister's fingers in a door. My father became so enraged & upset with me, he said 'Here, let's see how you like it.' & put my fingers in the opening of the door, ready to slam to the door on them. Thanks to my mother, my fingers were saved. These are just a few of many examples of life around my father. But then, there are also happy times. He used to take my sister & I to a park, that for some reason no one else seemed interested in & so we were typically the only ones ever there. We would grab a blanket & some lunch, & head to the park. It was awesome. He was also that dad that could build & make things.. He built me an awesome swing set that I loved. He used to read to me at night when I was really little, & when I was tired of all my books, he made up stories for me. My mom said that when she was pregnant they bought a teddy bear for me (his name is Cuddles & yes, I still sleep with him!) & my dad would put a diaper & some baby powder on him & carry him around the house, patting his diapered tush the whole time. He said he loved the sound of the diaper being patted & it reminded him of a baby. He & my mother spoiled my sister & I rotten. We were incredibly lucky to have everything we did & I lived, truly, a dream childhood. My parents got divorced, & everything I knew changed. We had to sell our amazing house & move in with my grandparents & really, I stopped seeing my father. My mom sent my sister & I to 'divorce recovery' classes which emphasized that nothing was our fault. Personally, I think my mother had done a wonderful job explaining things to us, because I knew it wasn't my fault, it was something between my mom & dad that wasn't going to mean anything 'bad' for my sister & I.

When I was around 9 or 10, my mother had sole custody & my father earned a little more custody than he had before (he previously had supervised visits, visits in public places, no visits, etc.) We visited for 2 hours each Wednesday & every other weekend. This seems like very little, but to be honest, it was all my father could gain. He constantly battled my mother in court, trying to drag her through the mud in front of the judge, just to gain more custody. He was occasionally given extra time with us, but failed to use it. Every. Single. Time. When I was about 11, I started wising up to his game. He claimed he wanted more time with us, but in between visits, never called just to chat. Let me just go ahead & say, my mother was totally unbiased when it came to discussions about my father. She knew eventually my sister & I would see him for what he really was, but until we discovered it on our own, she didn't want to influence us, & I think, she wanted us to have as many happy times with our father as we could until then. But I will never forget the day I figured my father out.

My father's birthday is on the 4th of July, & therefore a holiday. My parents alternated holidays with my sister & I. We had worked out an agreement for Christmas & Thanksgiving so that both of them could enjoy us, not just one. But on 3 day weekends like Memorial Day & Labor Day, they took turns each year. However 4th of July, was always my father's because it was his birthday. This particular year, I think I was 11 or 12, he claimed it wasn't his year for us. My sister & I were so young we just accepted this & moved on. My mother knew this was one of his usual BS lies. One year my mother kept us for 4th of July because we were on vacation in Hilton Head, my father had us the next year, & used this to justify his 'it's-not-my-turn' excuse. My sister & I called him the day of his birthday to wish him happy birthday & asked if we could come over & give him his gifts. He kept insisting it wasn't his turn, & then finally he admitted he was at a hotel downtown for the holiday enjoying the fireworks for the evening from the sweet view of his room. I was heartbroken. I couldn't believe he didn't want to see us & on top of it, didn't want us there with him, having fun. I don't think my sister ever really understood, as she was so young, but I understood. I understood my father had better things to do than celebrate his birthday with his kids. After that our relationship went downhill. I stopped participating in the weekend visits & ultimately distanced myself completely from him. He & my stepmom told us they would never get my married, they had both 'been there & done that' (my stepmom once & my father twice,) but literally the next weekend they announced they would be married in a small ceremony with just family & close friends present. My sister & I were the flower girls & were allowed to wear whatever we wanted.... We both wore black.

After those events, I couldn't stomach my father anymore. There were attempts at therapy in which my father fabricated his actions/reactions as well as entire events that had happened between us. I decided therapy was useless if he was going to lie his way through it & stopped going. My father & I have gone several years without speaking or interacting at all. Usually, the only time we see each other is at Christmas when he picks my sister up for 'his turn'. It tears me up every year. He always brings me gifts & they break my heart probably the most because they show he knows nothing about me & the things I like. Don't get me wrong, I could care less about material gifts, but it's symbolic of the fact that he hasn't spoken to me all year long & hasn't spent time with me because the gifts are the opposite of anything I would ever want or need in my life. So every year at Christmas, I can't help but think of the hole he's left in my life. As the years have gone on, I've adapted & been able to push these feelings to the back of my heart but it never fails... Christmas comes around & that hole burns. It burns because I want a father in my life. I want the father my friends have, the father my mother has, the father Bo has, the father I never had but always wanted. Ya know, that dad that checks on your car, tells you when to get gas & oil, the father that gives you money 'just because', & the father that sits in the living room with a shotgun, waiting up, when you go on your first date. The father that feels your lows & celebrates your highs, the father that is there no matter what time you call, the father that, in spite of himself, can't help but love the love of your life when he meets him because he knows you do. The father that STILL scares the shit out of you when you do something wrong. But will be the one there to bail you out of jail. The father that cries when you take your first step, get an A+, go to prom, & walks you down the aisle. That guy. That's what I've always wanted, but just never had.

My grandpa & my uncle are an incredible blessing in my life & they have been there & cared for me through so many things. Probably more things than an uncle & a grandpa should have to. But they love me & I love them... More than they know. & I wonder if God, or whoever, has a plan for me. I know I'm a strong person & I feel it's everything I've been through with my father that has been part of what's gotten me there. I have firm footing & a good head on my shoulders. My mother has been an amazing figure in my life because for a long time she served as both the mother & father, & I can't imagine how hard that was. I thank her because I feel it's everything she's instilled in me that has allowed me at 22 to stand on my own & be completely independent. Needing no one. Paying my bills, my rent, & putting myself through school on my own. I truly feel my father is unlucky, because he hasn't been part of my life.

Just when I think everything is good though, here comes my stepmom, out of the blue, calling me & sending me letters, asking to start a relationship, ensuring the door is open on her end to receive whatever I put out because she wants to be in my life. Theeeen my dad calls. The call from my stepmom rocked my world, as did the letter, but DAMN that call from my dad knocked me down. He shot the shit with me, acted interested in my life, & like a moron, I was optimistic. I thought 'Hey, maybe he really wants to make an effort. Maybe he's talked to his wife & decided to put forth the effort to re-build our relationship.' W-R-0-N-G. He had some insurance BS to talk out. He just wanted to beat around the damn bush & ease into it. Great. I told him I'd take care of it & hung up. But I couldn't stop thinking what if? What if I had actually been right & he wanted to actually get to know me again? & honestly, I don't know what I would do. I know I would be suspicious because of our past, but would I want it at this point? Would I be so suspicious about his motives that I would even be able to have a truthful relationship with him? He asked me what I would do if my child had told me to 'leave them alone,'....... I said I would go through hell & high water to get to my child. I would walk through FIRE to be with my child. & unfortunately, he just doesn't feel that way.

Sometimes I want to blame my father for things, & while that worked for a little while, I decided to stop being an excuse & at times, a statistic. I've read all kinds of things about girls with 'Daddy Issues' & I am determined not to be one of them. Every time I think of something I want to blame my father for, I change it. Plain & simple. I've got too much to live for to be caught up in excuses that, really, have nothing to do with the person I am & want to become. I am proud of myself, I am STRONG & I CAN get past him & his mistakes. The only question is how long it will take for me to be truly, & I mean really & truly, at peace with this man. He has been such a block in my life at times, & a simple phone call knocked me on my ass for the rest of the day, because I simply couldn't handle it. When & how will I get to a place where this doesn't happen to me anymore? I'm debating therapy, but am still not sure. I'll keep the blog posted on what happens, if anything, but in all honesty, I feel better just getting it out. Just venting & putting it all on paper.

That's all I've got.... X0X

Did I mention...?

I made my first wreath!

Pretty cute for a first-timer huh?!? I love it, I think it's festive & fun which is why it's already on the front door! :)

Also--- What happened to my pictures on the sides of my blog?!?! I'm so sad they're gone!! I'm hoping it's just a freak accident & that they'll come back, but if not I'll put them back up!

Planning = Success!

I noticed the date of my last post was October 21st, so as far as I'm concerned, under a month is me getting better! Kudos!

Alright, let's get serious. It's nearing the end of the year & for most that means the Holidays with their families, friends, loved ones, etc., Christmas shopping, Holiday parties, & looking forward to the New Year. While this holds true for me as well, there is one other thing just looming when the end of the year approaches... Time to get a new planner. This can be a very stressful thing for me because the planner for 2010 allows me a month of the New Year to find a new planner, but after that month, I'm cut off from planning in an organized manner. Thus ensues my end-of-year, must-find-a-planner full blown anxiety. Scratch that, 'anxiety' is putting it pretty mildly. Let's call a spade a spade here... I completely panic. Finding a planner should really not be such a daunting & intense task, & for most, it's not. Find one, at a good price, & move on, (I would say check it off the to-do list, but these people probably don't even use to-do lists. Ugh.) But for me it's a whoooole other story. I am incredibly picky about a few things in my life, & my planner is one of them. It holds my life within it's covers! It holds my life together.

I guess I should mention the other things I'm a little picky about:
* My hair. It has to be cut & colored to my liking or there will be hell to pay. Trust me.
* My jeans. Yes, denim jeans cause me much stress & most do not fit my criteria. I'm not even going to explain how I have to have them because it would exhaust you. But basically, they have to be comfortable, not flared but not skinny leg, no fading on the thighs, (some exceptions can be made, but the fading must make it through a second round of picky-ness.) holes are acceptable, but again, there is a second round of criteria holes must pass, & they have to make my booty look good. I don't have a whole lot back there, so that takes a very special pair of jeans. This is the much abridged version of the jean-selection process.
* & my purses. Don't worry, I'm not as anal about purses as I am about jeans, but I'm still pretty picky. I can't explain it but it has to be just right. Functional, not too big & not too small, black, brown, beige or gray ONLY. That's about it. & while we're at it, I might as well show you my idea of heaven in purse form. See below, & prepare yourself for fabulous.

Le Speedy 35 & my life-long Love


Also acceptable for spring/summer is The Damier Azur Speedy 35... Mmmm, yummy!

See my point? I'm really being good this year so maybe Santa will bring me a special treat under the tree! ;) I could lust over those bags all day long if someone would let me. Along with my love for Louis Vuitton. Let's just say obsessed & leave it at that.

So! Back to the task at hand; the 2011 planner. I've narrowed it down to two options, both of which have some major pros. Which is making it so hard to decide! So I'm just going to lay it out, pics & all, & maybe it will help me come to some decision.

My first option:



Presh on the outside (see pink w/ polka dots,) functional on the inside (it's hard to see with this picture, but each day has an accompanying box for a to-do list, if needed... Love that!) & the full calendar view, which I also love because it let's me see how the entire month is laid out in one glance.

My second option:

Let me quote the website on this one;
"These useful and unique daily agendas are full of frisky fun! The colored tabs make for happy planning. ['Happy Planning'! Eeee! My heart leaps with joy!]
17 month agenda (August 2010 thru 2011) complete with weekly and monthly calendar pages, dates to remember, contacts, and notes. Stickers included."

I couldn't get all the pics of this one to save, so that's why I included the description.. Doesn't it sound great?! I love Lilly Pulitzer, I think their stuff is SO cute & girly, but I'm still stuck on that first one having a box for each day to write the applicable to-do list. But knowing me, & I have to be honest, I would probably still write it on a sticky note & stick it on that week. Ok so I think I just made my decision?! How easy was that? Well, now I'm really excited about this year! Knowing I can plan it in style :)

That's all for tonight, & I guess was pretty boring & lame. But hopefully I'll outdo myself & leave even less time between posts. I have so many amazing people & things happening right now in my life, I can't possibly wait too long! As a matter of fact, I'm going to start a list of topics to tackle. I know I did that in the post before last, but there are more now! & not all of them need to be written about for therapeutic reasons, but for celebratory reasons! That's a great thing!

Stay tuned ;) Xx0

G0 CATS!

Uncle Boski said it well.. "The Cats can't possibly lose with Emma Kate behind them!"

I know that's right!!!!

& Happy Halloween!!

That's all I've got for the moment, but I promise I'm doing a real post ASAP!!

X0X

It's Fall Time!

So, I'm terrible at keeping up with this thing. I know this, & believe it or not I think about how I need to be better about posting on a regular basis. I've just been busy! Here are some recent events in my not-so-eventful life...

I'm lucky enough to be watching sweet baby Emma Kate 2-3 times a week! 7am-6pm is a long day so I really feel miss tiny & I have bonded quite a bit! I miss her right after I leave for the day. She is the easiest baby to take care of & the easiest baby to fall in love with! I have so many sweet pictures, but I'll spare you. Ok, ok, I won't really.. These two just have to be shown!!

Sleepy little girl!

How freaking PRECi0US is this?!? How can you not just fall in love immediately?! I see it & my heart just explodes with happiness & love! How corny, right? I can't help it!

Anyway, she's just the greatest & I can't get enough of her. I'm sure anyone reading this has had enough. So now I'll spare you.

I feel like I've been working all the time lately. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely paying off, & I enjoy being busy (I'm a little weird that way,) but part of me wishes I didn't have to hustle so much. I'm not in school this semester though (too pricey at the moment) so I feel like I should at least stay busy working. If I'm not going to bust my tail at school I should be doing some equally as useful... Enter, work! Serving at Cheddar's & business is slowly picking up, but not enough. So I've finagled my way into being the 'Beer Girl' at the Red Mile (local race track) every Thursday night when they have their $1 drafts. I'm not paid hourly & I guess not technically an employee because of that fact, but I get to keep all my tips. It's a nice change of pace & incredibly easy work when I compare it to serving. & I'm making better money, so I would be crazy not to do it every week. Tonight is 'Greek Night' so hopefully there will be a huge crowd of great tippers! The Grand Circuit is starting next week & I'll be working that while that's going on. Should be huge crowds each day & better money than Thursday nights alone. As I mentioned before, watching EK 2-3 times a week, which is such a treat I would do it for free! Go up to a poker room once a week & give massages for tips, which I still have mixed feelings about, but the money is so great I can't help but go back every week. So that's that! Oh, & subbing has been useless as I haven't gotten any calls to substitute teach at any of the schools in Fayette Co. so I've got to do something in the meantime!

Can I just take a minute though & say how excited I am for Fall? My favorite seasons have always been those 'in-between' seasons. Ya know, Spring & Fall. Spring is great because it's such a welcome change from a long & dreary winter & Fall is a refreshing relief from a long & hot summer!! I really love it because it calls for lots of wardrobe updating which means shopping! Just went shopping yesterday & got 2 new sweaters! They're cozy & great :) Next I'm on a mission to find some great brown boots. I don't know why, but I'm incredibly picky about boots (& jeans.) The right boot for me has to have a high heel, a pointed toe, & go all the way up the leg.. Not stopping at the ankle like some. I just think they make my legs look short when they stop at the ankle. I'm not opposed to some buckle-y hardware but I haaaate hate hate studded nonsense all over my boots. I don't know why but I just think it's hideous. I have a great pair of black boots that I bust out every winter, but I kind of think it's time for a new pair of those as well. All depends on what I can find! & you better believe I don't mind looking ;)

My other favorite part about Fall? Keeneland's Fall Meet! It's when everyone comes out in their finest fall attire & drinks cocktails to keep warm & bets on the ponies to.... Well, hm, get rich? I've never been much of a better, since I can never remember any professional tips people give me on picking winning horses, but I'm great at the cocktail part. So that's all that matters. Plus, I love getting dressed up! I make it a point to go opening day every year, both for the Spring & Fall meets. I love it. LOOOVE it! Can't wait to go tomorrow! Hopefully I'll be back in touch shortly after & post some pictures!

That's really all I can think of at the moment that's remotely new. Other than the fact that I'm looking forward to Christmas & I'm ready to get through Halloween & Thanksgiving already. How boring is my life? I know, I probably shouldn't even have a blog. I rarely have anything very interesting going on. Buuuut it makes me feel good to get things out of my head & written down. No matter how uneventful those things in my head may be. I feel like I have much deeper things to write about, but they weigh so heavily on me that just thinking about sitting down to write about them seems like a daunting task. Maybe it would help if I put them in list-form & encourage me to get to them eventually. & maybe it will redeem such a boring blog if I give evidence of more interesting things to come.

So!

1. My unemployed mother (& that whole back story.)

2. My deadbeat & absent father. & maybe a little bit about my stepmother who called me out of the blue this summer. Believe me, you don't want to miss that one.

3. My sweet little grandparents. That one is the hardest by far because the back story & current story is so recent & painful for me. They're still alive, it's nothing like that, but it brings me so much sadness when I really think about it. The only way I've learned to cope is to keep it from coming to the forefront of my mind. If I let it come forward, all I would do is cry.

& now that I think about it, the first 2 items are pretty much the same way for me.

Ohhh well, that's why I even started this blog. To use it as a form of therapy. I guess it's time to power through it & at least get some of it out & written down. But I'll worry about that another day. It's beautiful outside & I want to get out & enjoy it!

X0X0 ;)

Updates!

Ok, so as promised I'm getting my act together & doing a little better about posting... For now :/ But like the title of my last post says: "Time Flies When You're Having FUN!" Right?! I know everyone else can relate!!

I promised pictures from the wedding Uncle Boski (yes, I will be refering to him as Uncle Boski from now on!) & I attended this weekend. Here's the thing... We didn't actually end up going. To any of it. Nope, not even the reception. Now hear me out, I promise we're not horrible people. The wedding was in Louisville (we live in Lexington,) & we were running stupidly late. I know, I know; our bad completely. But by the time we were remotely close to Louisville & the church where the wedding was being held, we were going to be over a 1/2 hour late. Now how rude would that have been if we just waltzed right in to a full-on Catholic wedding that stinkin' late like it was no big deal?! Pretty rude if you want my opinion. Full-on Catholic or not! Remember in my last post I mentioned that my wedding gene emerged (& I quote,) "a looong" time ago. I don't have every single detail planned just yet, but I do know I'll be pissed forever at anyone who comes in more than 10 minutes late. & really, 10 minutes is pushing it. & don't think I won't see you... I'll be in the front of the room monitoring. Believe it!! Now you can't say you haven't been warned. Can I just take a minute & go ahead & admit that I completely anticipate & 0WN the fact that I'm going to be the world's biggest bitch of a bride. Oops.... I mean Bride-zilla?? I'm tooootally owning it. I know my personality & the way I am when it comes to planning things (much less, planning the biggest day of my life? Helloooo!) & I can only imagine the hell I will bring to my bridesmaids. Oh yea... & future husband. Part of me hopes I'll be kind (& smart) & leave him out of it so when all is said & done, he'll still want to marry me.

So yea! We didn't even go. But we'd already paid for the hotel & decided to just do our own thing! It was great... It was like a big-deal Date Night in Louisville! What a freakin' TREAT!! We had dinner at Joe's Crab Shack (I've personally never been a fan, & am still not, but it was the first restaurant we saw that was on the river & Uncle Boski was starving so that's was what "we" wanted.) I'm a moron & got shrimp alfredo (terrible) so I didn't enjoy my meal very much. Uncle Boski got crab legs which were DELiSH but I didn't because I simply don't have the patience to work for my food. Especially in that intense of a manner. I however did find a fabulous new cocktail that will be my go-to until further notice. It was a 'Southern Spiked Tea'. Made with Seagram's sweet tea vodka, actual sweet tea (of course,) & some lemon juice. It was served in a mason jar, (you get to keep!) which for me, was part of it's appeal.

& because I'm a huge nerd, I took a picture.

Anyway, it was such a great Date Night! Aren't those the best though? The ones that are impromptu & unplanned? I feel like every time I've forced a Date Night (& when I say forced, I mean planned to a 'T') it has never measured up to the Date Nights that have been spur of the moment & totally unplanned. The Patti Planner in me is telling me to take that back. I won't take it back but I will say that planning does in fact come in handy at times & I will still always rely on heavy planning when necessary. But the non-Patti Planner in me is saying it was great! Parts of me wanted to be anxious & controlling at first, but once I gave myself the 'calm the F down' talk & put my trust in Uncle Boski it was totally fun!

Really that's about it! Nothing particularly new has happened or prompted me to want to just write. Sorry if I've disappointed! I will say (armed with a To Do List) today has been a super-productive day :) Errands, dishes (2 loads,) & laundry (3 loads,) have been completed & amongst all of it I still had time for a nap ;)

Nighty Night Bloggy-Poo. See you soon, I promise!! X0X0 ;)

Oh! P.S. Since I've decided to title this entry 'Updates' just thought I'd share that I was scheduled as a 'Closer' at work... Let me just say that I've faced my fears & am now serving. Being nominated as a 'Closer' means I'm a strong server! Props to me!!

Time Flies When You're Having FUN!

Ok, so it's been a while since I've posted.. & that could possibly be an understatement. But look at me! I come out with a new background & this post will be filled with all kinds of fun things!

In my last post I mentioned Emma Kate.. (I believe I said 'Emma Kate we can't WAIT!' ... Yet another understatement, looking back.) She's finally here!! She was born on August 17th, 7lbs 6oz. @ 2:34pm!!

Just got her hair done!! Pink bow is an absolute must for the newest princess!!

Coming home from the hospital! Look how tiny she is!!

Uncle Boski & I.. This was my first time seeing her. Needless to say, Uncle Boski can't get enough! & I can't either! ;)

In the most precious onesie & headband ever! Yours truly picked them out:)

I could share every picture I have (thus far) of her & not get tired of it... But I'm sure everyone else will. Uncle Boski & I are constantly looking at the pictures we have of her. When I'm bored I just look through all the pictures on my phone & it puts me in such a lovey-dovey/happy/softy kinda mood! I could never have anticipated the joy she would bring when she finally arrived, & she's not even my own baby!! I have to admit, the older I get, the bigger my soft spot gets for little ones... I just can't help it! I guess my mommy-genes are fiiiinally emerging. 'Bout time, if you ask me ;)

I'm off work tomorrow & Uncle Boski & I are headed to Louisville for a wedding... I promise pics will follow! I'm pumped about the wedding... First one I've gotten to go to all summer! Love weddings as well... I can't wait for my own. That gene emerged a loooong time ago, but that's all for another post!

X0X0;)

Funkyyy

Mother of PEARL! I have been in the absolute weirdest funk lately!! The past couple days weren't too bad, besides a few out-of-character, annoying occurrences but today has just been one of those bummer days :( I am semi-proud of myself for getting it somewhat together & going to my good friend's pool party, despite my lame mood. It was a good boost too, so I'm glad I went!

But here's the deal: My boyfriend of 3 years left for Vegas on May 18th & had been out in Vegas for the past couple months... He was temping as a poker dealer @ Caesar's Palace & the Venetian (can I mention just for a second how freaking PR0UD this makes me?! EeeEeEE!!) & finally came home to me this past Wednesday (the 14th & his BDay!) So you would think his time away had me in a serious funk, & it did for a little while, but I got into the swing of my own things & got through it! So he comes back & I start doing the dumbest things. Ya know, those things that you don't even like to think back on because it makes you feel so stupid? First example, the only thing he wanted for his birthday was a cooler full of ice cold beer waiting for him by the pool when he came home. Easy enough right? Right. Until, like a moron, I take some that are left in the box to the fridge. I picked up the open box & they just roooollll on out. I knew exactly what was going to happen but couldn't stop it. 5 bottled beers dropped to the floor, shattered, & left a river of beer under the pool table, in the grout of the tiles, & was creeping farther & farther into the rest of the basement. Awesome. Now, let me just say... I am NOT a clumsy person. Normally. It was so annoying. Mostly because if I had just thought for a second longer about what I was doing it could have been prevented!! & I hadn't even gotten to enjoy one of those beers yet!

BUT! Friday night was truly the icing on the cake.

The Before. & how this lovely piece of decor is supposed to look.


& The After. After my brain evidently left my head & went out for a cocktail, or shopping, or something other than doing it's job in my head!!

I'll admit, I'm a huge sap & had to sit down & cry about it. I freaking LOVE those suckers! My boyfriend's sister gave them to me & I had gotten seriously attached to them! Anyway, my boyfriend could almost guarantee she had gotten them at Hobby Lobby (aka my personal heaven, but that's a whooole other post) & he was sure I could easily find another one exactly like it. Which I couldn't, but hey, I have high hopes. I know it's just a material possession, blahhhh blah, but really... Why didn't I just pay attention to what I was doing?!? UGH!

Boski (the afore mentioned Boo) has left again, this time working in Washington for a construction company he's worked with for years. They tolerated the trip to live a dream for a little while out in Vegas & immediately gave him a job to leave for as soon as he came home. They move fast; he only got home Wednesday morning & left @ 7pm on Saturday. The shortest 4 days everrr! He should be out there for a total of around 3 months, maybe more :( This is why I'm in my bummer mood today. I know I'll snap out of it, I'm just impatient & hoping it happens soon! Of course there is a plus side... His sister is pregnant with his very first niecey-poo & is due in late August or early September, (EeeEEeee!! Emma Kate we can't WAIT!!) so he'll be coming home for her sweet little arrival!! & they offered to fly him home a few times while he's on this job, but he suggested they just fly me out instead! Yayyyy!!!! I freaking love traveling, especially with him as a tour guide :) Can't wait!!!!

So now that I've recapped these events & complained about them, I'm moving on! XO;)

I Diiiie!!!

Since I just started this blog I thought I would take a minute & describe myself just a liiiitle bit. Let's go with the '5 words that describe you' approach so I don't go into a full-on bio & overload anyone. So let's see, my 5 words are as follows:

1. Girly (just so we're clear, this is an understatement!)
2. Intelligent
3. Loving/Kind/Compassionate (I felt these were all in the same genre, so I'm only counting them as one word!)
4. Forthcoming -- Some may call it blunt, upfront, 'Real', or just downright bitchy, but I think most of us prefer those in our life who are honest;) But only at appropriate times, of course!
5. ORGANiZED

Now, let me explain #5. 'Organized', much like #1's 'Girly' is seriously an understatement. Anal may be a better choice of words, or Obsessive, or if I were letting myself get away with it Obsessive Compulsive could be used. Possibly even Insane? I have been known to be a little, hmm... Let's say rigid when it comes to adapting to stressful situations & spontaneity (back off, I know it's an important life-trait... I'm working on it!) & I think I've learned to cope with the things I can't control by controlling absolutely everything else that is within my control. If that makes sense. But let's be honest, couldn't everyone stand to do a little organizing? Personally, being organized & keeping some things 'just so' has been my therapy for the past few years. When things are a mess, I feel like my life is a mess. When things are clean & neatly organized, my life doesn't feel like such an overwhelming mess. Organizing things calms me down & when I'm finished I feel like my head has been cleared & I truly feel content. Even happy. & I truly believe everyone has something that does this for them. It may not be as odd as organizing, but I everybody's got that little somethin' that does *it* for them!

So, all that being said... My next purchase? The WonderFile!!!!!!!!!!!! It's incredible & made my little obsessive compulsive heart race!! Here is a link to the YouTube video of the infomercial.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ENaMx21MmQ

I happen to have a few pics that make me want to tell Kentucky American Water [or KU, or Columbia Gas, or Insight] to cool their jets because the WonderFile was first on my priority list! I'm dying to buy it immediately!!

This picture doesn't even do it justice... It's seriously huge!! Except for when it folds conveniently:)

I guess I should add a #6 to my list... Can you guess what it might be??
---> Shopaholic! :) X0X

My First Post's P.S.

I was just thinking... Since I talked about how I used to be 'creative' I thought I'd post a picture of a couple things I recently made in an attempt to get creative again! In no way am I an artist.. By any stretch of the imagination, but nonetheless I'm pretty proud of them, & they make *me* happy, so hopefully someone else will like them too!

Ultimately this will go on my vanity where I sit every day & get ready, so I plan to put a favorite quote in it. Something that will lift me up every day! Unfortunately, when I'm under pressure my handwriting goes to complete P00 but I like the idea of writing the quote by hand versus typing it!

Along the same lines as the first one, but I'm a Scarface freak (who wouldn't be... Tony Montana is a G!) & I loved this picture & the quote that's accompanying it!

Anyway, I hope someone finds these cute! I'll post some writing from back in the days when my creative juices were really flowin` but I've got to dig them out first! -- XOX

Very first post! Weee!!

Well, I've done a lot to this blog thus far, but have yet to do my first post! I'm pretty excited about starting & like it says in my 'description' (trying to use the appropriate lingo, here!) I am hoping to use this as both an outlet to clear my head (among other things writing helps us accomplish) & also to play around with it & try to be somewhat creative! I was always creating & writing (almost non-stop, it seems) in high school & early on in college, but then time got away from me; I started a serious relationship, became more involved in my job at the time, & started spending more time away from home & somewhere along the line, that part of me slowed down & eventually faded into the background.

I have always found an incredibly therapeutic aspect to just letting my creative juices flow... Whatever the outcome may be, good, bad, or otherwise I've always loved taking the time to do it. & really, can't we always use more therapy in our lives?! I'll admit; I definitely can ;)

Anyway, that information aside, I thought I would post a quote that I absolutely love. It's helped me through hard times, allowed me to appreciate good times, & more than anything makes me happy. This quote has just always stuck with me & resonated with me, no matter what situation I'm in or what life chooses to throw my way! Since I couldn't think of a specific topic for my first post, & I didn't know, really, what I wanted this blog to be like overall, I just thought I would share this & hopefully use it as a way to get started.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand & chaining a soul. & you learn that Love doesn't mean possession & company doesn't mean security. & you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts & presents aren't promises. & you begin to accept your defeats with your head up & your eyes ahead with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. & you learn to build your roads today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans & futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much... So plant your own garden & decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. & you learn that you really can endure, that you really are Strong, & you really do have Worth. & you learn & you Learn..."
-- Veronica A. Shoffstal --

Did I disappoint?!? Didn't think so ;) Maybe my life is an abnormal roller-coaster, which really isn't an unreasonable statement sometimes & is the biggest reason I started the blog, but I honestly think everyone can say they relate to at least *one* part of that quote! I hope if someone reads it, they take something from it & maybe, it will do some of the things for them that it's done for me!

First Blog Entry ----> Check!